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| saturday night...
just me... the olympics on tv, boxes, and two years of stuff i've managed to accumulate...i can't believe i'm moving again. after drama with shady new york brokers, working random jobs to make ends meet, and stressing over everything; i find myself here in this moment. a moment to thank God for the past few months of life.. For realizations that i need people, that sometimes it's okay to be vulnerable and ask for support, and it's okay to cry out to Him in moments of despair... because when you cry out and pray, He answers...
He blesses you with a new job in harlem, working with youth, making beans.. but hopefully being a catalyst for change. He blesses you with a cute new apt. pimped out with a washer/dryer in the building, an elevator, your own room, and flatmates who encourage you to be a better person...He blesses you because He loves you...you have to have moments like these so that when you're faced with challenges again you can remember, and know that things are going to be okay because God is faithful and real...
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| ...give me one pure and holy passion
give me one magnificent obsession
give me one glorious ambition for my life
to know and follow hard after you...
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| sitting here in our kitchen, i can hear the voices of my roommates chatting on their cellies...since our apt has two bedrooms, no living room, one bathroom and four girls, personal space is nonexistent...but by the grace of God we have managed to not kill each other in our 1+ years as roommates.. in fact, i can proudly say we highly fancy each other :)
one roommate is in the bathroom with the door shut talking on the phone because her bedmate is in their room sleeping...my bedmate is on the phone in our room with the door shut, and i am occupying the kitchen and painstakingly trying to get through my last papers which are all due in a few days... :/
the reason i bring up this silly scene is because last week i was having lunch with a friend who is also from cali, and he mentioned that we learn to put up with so much more in new york...we put up with situations, attitudes and things you normally wouldn't tolerate elsewhere.. and i wonder.. why do we all choose to live here? why do we choose to live in a place with a population of over 8 million people that keeps increasing every year? why do we think it's ok to pay boo coo bucks to re-live our college years by sharing bedrooms and having no living space at our age? why do we tolerate the schizo inconsistent extreme weather? is nyc that cool?? what makes this city more addicting then crackberry or red mango on a warm sunny day? i mean, don't get me wrong, i  new york... i love it for too many reasons to list.. but i wonder, will i love nyc 5 years from now? ten? i guess i''ll have to wait and see...
* the infamous kitchen of confession...where i find silence and solitude when all the girls are asleep..where friends gather to eat, drink and be merry, where we share our dreams, passions, heartaches and fears..
i've never loved a kitchen more..
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| phase I of a root canal: $400.00
600mg of ibuprofen tabs: $10.00
nonprofit management book for class: $160.00
memories of being a broke a$$ grad student living off loans in nyc: pricey
will i ever be at a point in my life where i feel financially okay? when my mother was my age she was married, working multiple jobs, raising a four year old, and saved enough money to buy a car and a condo...i wonder why i don't have that kind of discipline?
one day i hope to become a mature and responsible adult...
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as i enter my last semester of grad school, i feel a teeny tiny bit anxious... will i find a job out here? how long will i be living in nyc? when will i go back to cali? could i work abroad? will i survive on a social workers salary?!
four more months to go!!
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